Putting Things on Hold

I get a variety of reactions from people when I tell them that I will be spending two years in the Dominican Republic as a Peace Corps volunteer. Many ask questions. Some express admiration. I even hear remarks concerning how difficult it will be and how it's something the person I'm talking to could never do.

Of all the reactions people give me, none is less welcome than the infinitely obnoxious, "maybe you'll meet a nice Dominican girl there," invariably accompanied by the kind of affected grin or nod somebody might give when offering an ice cream sundae or a backrub. To say that when I hear and see this I am profoundly annoyed would be an understatement.

My disgust takes many forms. Firstly, I almost feel that implicit in this response is the assertion that if I go there and don't meet the love of my life, my two years will be wasted. "After all," their statement seems to suggest, "there couldn't possibly be a better time or place to look for a mate." Then there's the idea that the highest possible reward that the experience could offer would be to get a girlfriend. Not the satisfaction of knowing I may have improved someone's standard of living or helped someone provide for his/her family. Oh no, it has to be the girl.

If, at this point, you're reading this and you've guessed that I'm bitter, you may be correct. After many years of painstaking deliberation and caution where romance is concerned, and careful consideration of my values in life and how to pursue them I am almost religious in my dearly-held hope that I can have both. That is, I want believe that I can both follow my own path to personal fulfillment as an individual and find a partner.

If I am bitter, it is because twenty-six years of loving, observing relationships, acting on my hopes, acting on my fears, and consulting with people I admire, have imbued me with a single resounding tenet of faith: When I have figured out my own happiness as a single person, I will be better-equipped to find a mate and it is more likely that my potential mates will have done likewise. When I react adversely to someone's remarks it is likely that I think they don't see things this way.

I do not oppose the idea of finding a special girl to spend time with in the Peace Corps, but it raises my hackles to have my decision to join be regarded as enrollment in some kind of singles club and I would be lying if I said that it would be not without relish for me to crush anyone's dire hope that this be the case. It wouldn't be the first time in my adult life I went for two years without a girlfriend.